Lashes, nails and an iron infusion...not your average start to a girl's summer

So I'm currently sat with my left arm attached to a drip in a claustrophobic hospital room and a beeping noise driving me mildly insane seeing as I've been in this chair for an hour and a half now...However, at the same time I'm incredibly happy to finally be here because guess what that means: SHE'S BACK. It's been a while since I've been myself and nothing makes you feel better than knowing how god damn good you'll feel when you've crashed and you know it can only get better.

So, story time. Everyone's favourite part. I went MIA on this blog mainly for reasons called exams and realising that 16 hours of your life is suddenly more important than anything else but, also, I got some bad news health wise that really shook me up and almost stopped me sharing my IBD story on here. Not going into details as I really want to do a post on full awareness of the condition and how you can help people who have or cope better if you have to deal with it yourself, but I went in for what was a routine check at the hospital and I found out I was a lot more ill than I thought. In fact, every symptom that I had dismissed as 'exam stress' was just my body slowly shutting down and refusing to take nutrients from any food or liquid. Turns out iron is the worst to reject, thanks for that one hun.

In my defence of being one of those people who will tell everyone ~ including themselves ~ that they're fine until something bad actually happens, the doctor's priority was to make sure I didn't get as bad as I did. They weren't very good at that this time. I was rejected an infusion three months ago on the grounds that my levels weren't 'dangerously low' without looking at my iron levels from the last year which had been declining at a pace the entire time and were only going to get worse...to quote a couple of angry Snapchats I may have sent to some people "THEY JUST HAD TO LOOK AT THE ******* GRAPH CAN THEY NOT DO GCSE SCIENCE".

So, that was a huge knock in self confidence for me and it did kind of put me off sharing this because it became such a personal thing when I realised I was partly responsible for not flagging up my symptoms and just pretending I was okay. As if I didn't want to accept I was ill and not like everybody else. At the same time though, I think it's so so important to have times like this where it does just throw it in your face and wake you up (maybe not mid A level exams that was kinda bad timing, a little bit rude yanno) because it does make you feel ten times better about knowing you've just been working through it.

Enough about that though. I made a promise to be positive no matter what so now I've had my infusion ~ she quite literally just discharged me I'm on the way home ~ watch me get back out there: girl's back for good now.

~

Okay, spoiler alert: I wrote that day of my infusion. When I write posts they don't usually happen in one go and so I'm finishing this about 5 or 6 days later. Unfortunately, there is a story time part 2. Sorry to bore you but actually I'm very bored of it too. I went back to normal life and half way through a shift at work almost collapsed and was sent home. Then my body decided it wasn't having it and, not to overshare, lets just say I couldn't eat anything for a day or two and comfortably keep it down and my best friend literally had to look after a pale, shaking wreck for the weekend (can officially say she's seen me in a worse condition than my doctors have the biggest shout out to you b sorry you had to literally become my carer I owe you the world).

The irony of what I said in the first paragraph is now making me laugh but proves such a god damn point when it comes to Crohn's because its one of those things where you don't know what it's gonna throw at you next. So, this is one last final effort to get better and is me saying I am DONE with being ill and I'm not letting it get in the way anymore. As much as I know I need to rest to get better and I know my health is more important than anything else going on in my life right now...me being ill shouldn't make me any different from anybody else and having a positive outlook and things to look forward to can be the only thing keeping you going. Taking this weekend for example, did I have a first night out after exams organised, outfit chosen, hair wash cycle to match my plans (girls you know the struggle): YES. Was I even close to a good enough state of health to go out: NOPE. Did I dress up and go out anyway and have a really good night because I god damn deserved to do what I want: YES I DID.

So, my point is made. I'm back, I'm making the most, I'm going to enjoy myself this summer and Crohn's Disease can take a running jump if it dares to come back at me for the next six months because I have some sh*t to do. Starting with some lash extensions and a few more pairs of fake nails ~ we have a lot of nights out to get through this summer.

I know this post can't relate to everyone and I try and make sure it usually can but this post was one for me really almost to empower myself in a way. I hope you can get something useful out of it though even if it's just the principle of putting fun and enjoying yourself in front of any other issues you're having. Get out there, put your hoops in, (I don't know what the male equivalent is to this although some lads seem to get the chains out ey) get the best kind of people around you and just have a laugh. Sometimes you just need it.

XXX

P.s Thank you so much for sticking with me this is a seriously long one I know but it's a first step towards me doing more awareness work around IBD and helping to normalise it so it means an awful lot.