How to take the time off you need and not feel guilty about it, IBD or not.

Ever spent your day off in bed, doing absolutely nothing and having a great time before feeling weirdly guilty and just lazy? You can't use the excuse of being hungover or having that one bug that's going around uni. Instead, you tell yourself it's just because it's a Tuesday not a Sunday...Now imagine doing that for almost every day off you have for a month? Lazy is the first word that comes to mind.

What I've noticed in the last month is that there's still such a stigma attached to this idea of doing the minimal or taking time off as being pure laziness. Since having to deal with flare ups from my Crohn's, resting rather than pushing on, out of the guilt of doing nothing, has been the one thing I REALLY struggle with. Partly because I'm a damn perfectionist and I have a habit of putting myself under way too much pressure but also I think that, as a generation of young people, we're classed as 'lazy' and the worst part? We actually believe it! We've been told it so many times that we make it to university and suddenly think we have to be high functioning members of society with our lives together. Nuh-uh, adulting doesn't work like that.

So, this is a post to let you all know where I've been the last month including some treatment updates for people with IBD who follow this blog and a chance to let you all know that you're not lazy and it's perfectly okay to have time off to rest - be it physically or mentally.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

So, if you follow my stories on Instagram, you'll know I've pulled right back for the last couple weeks and ended up having a break from social media for a while. To begin with, it was just coincidental and I just didn't have time to write! I was being a typical broke student working 5 or 6 days a week in order to pay for my summer rent and spending the rest of my time trying to figure out a sleeping pattern because apparently eating at 10pm and showering at 2am isn't so socially acceptable when you're at home...sorry Mum. At the same time as this however, I finally started treatment for my Crohn's and was put on some new drugs. A week or two later you may have seen that I made a conscious decision to have a break and that may just have been the best thing I've done in a while.

I didn't think this new medication would change a thing, I had known I was going onto them for a while and mentally I was SO ready... "A few tablets?" I thought, "That's it, no procedures, no hospital, just some nightly tablets, this is great!".

Niave is NOT the word. I didn't believe my doctor when she told me about the side effects because, you know, no one ever REALLY gets the side effects right? WRONG.

I learnt my lesson. For anyone who doesn't know how Crohn's works, 1) thank you for being here to read this and learn and 2) it basically means you have a dodgy immune system that will attack healthy parts of your body and cause inflammation. *Not a scientific definition* If you would like to know a bit more head over to this blog post I wrote last year: 'A young person with IBD'. So, to counteract this, I've been put on Azathioprine or Aza for short which is an immunosuppressant drug that should calm everything down and stop me getting flare ups which can make me very ill.

(Funny story - I pronounced Azathioprine [Aah-za-thee-oh-prin] for a good two or three weeks and said it to probably around eight different healthcare professionals before someone read my form and pronounced it [Ay-za-thigh-oh-preen]...bit embarrassing I don't know the name of my own meds)

If the word 'suppressant' is confusing you, it confused me too. "Why supress your immune system if it can't even keep you healthy in the first place?" What it does, I found out, is reduce the activity of cells that cause the inflammation. Which is exactly what I need and I'm very grateful for, but on the flip side, also means the functioning parts of my immune system, aka everywhere that's not in my gut, is also put on calm-the-hell-down mode and that takes a while for your body to adjust to. About 6 weeks, approximately.

WHAT ABOUT NOW?

We are now at week 5 and I'm through the worst of it and feeling much better. The worst of it being feeling like I've been simultaneously hit by the flu, a post freshers hangover and the level of groggy and bloated you feel on day two of your period (sorry boys, you have NO idea). I absolutely crashed and, being as stubborn as I am, I carried on ignoring my mums advice, working 5 shifts a week, making plans, and fitting in blood tests and hospital trips on my days off. I am now here holding my hand up and saying YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO REST WHEN YOU NEED IT.

Having being diagnosed with Crohn's and being told that it was triggered by me overworking myself should have been a kick up the a** to learn how to pace myself and slow it down a bit and yet, over two years later here I am again. I'm having weekly blood tests to monitor how I'm doing, which should become bi-weekly shortly, and now I feel human again I am going to swear down that I won't overwork myself to the point of being ill ever again. That's it, its published now. Wouldn't be surprised if my Mum prints it out and sends me reminders of it until I actually start taking her advice. Like I said, adulting is hard. (Love you Mum.)

I know this has been a very 'Crohn's' related post but I promised updates and I'm still focusing on being as open with people about it as I can. Returning to the top of this post, though, I do genuinely think that we are a generation that put ourselves down for having a break far more often than we should. The beauty of it is that we ARE students, we're not doing a 9 to 5 job in an office where a day off means a days holiday gone so, if we need it, we should be able to take a random Thursday off for physical or mental health reasons and not have it make us 'lazy'. Bring on September and get me back to uni...

Thanks for reading guys, I'm hoping to start posting fortnightly now so watch this space! (and my Insta lol)

Imogen